Narcissus

How about we take this one real slow?
I’m all out of pretenders’ hope,
There’s a quiet place where I give up all I own,
I found all I wanted when I asked God Who He was.
I’m repentant-minded, couldn’t do that without Help.

Without a whole new entire Life to hold,
I couldn’t get out of bed without my Lord.
Jesus took my trouble and He used it for Reward.
Did you know that mercy asks “What do you need?” In earnest?
Did you know that God forgives in a permanent tense?
What you did yesterday has zero bearing on what today says.
The past can stay behind because of God’s Existence.
Emmanuel means “God with us,” not ever against.
I have seen the tapping at the door become a lot more than a mess.
I have witnessed what becomes of man when he feeds lust.
I have understood that I can’t overcome this by myself.
It’s so hard to see when I’m clouded by my sin,
But I have seen what happens when I confess,

Call me Narcissus,
I’m terribly incredulous.
Mark my words,
The man approved his own worth.
Hand mirrors hurt
Your own self-import-ance,
Rob you of worth.
Offload your reputation onto a cell phone hearse,
Tell all your friends that you dream about the second verse.
But pointing fingers burst
Like malignancy inside, it’s insanity at work.

I told you everything and you called me out for pride.
I overloaded speakers with intensely written lines.
Max out the equalizer and blow the woofers​ mind,
I’m impending on this and they talk like I just whine.
Take a second consequence, keep minutes like a scribe,
Make sure that my notebook has a couple empty lines.
I want a computer so I can make beats fly.
Once I thought a soother of tobacco helped my mind.
I was wrong, I was wrong, my pride was over-sized,
But I’m not so embarrassed that I fail to take my time.
I know now what I have learned and I am feeling fine.
Is there a way for me to share without incurring crime?

Call me Narcissus,
I’m terribly incredulous.
Mark my words,
The man approved his own worth.
Hand mirrors hurt
Your own self-import-ance,
Rob you of worth.
Offload your reputation onto a cell phone hearse,
Tell all your friends that you dream about the second verse.
But pointing fingers burst
Like malignancy inside, it’s insanity at work.

Hypocrisy is not my identity,
I can struggle endlessly
And it’s still not alive in me.
I am desperate for peace,
But the less I take, the more I see.
Trees’ leaves all turned green
In less than a week,
It’s incredible to speak
And hear Jesus lead,
Let’s prioritize His mercy
Because then we’ll be so free.
Let’s imitate Him in everything
So our love shines like a breeze.

Call me Narcissus,
I’m terribly incredulous.
Mark my words,
The man approved his own worth.
Hand mirrors hurt
Your own self-import-ance,
Rob you of worth.
Offload your reputation onto a cell phone hearse,
Tell all your friends that you dream about the second verse.
But pointing fingers burst
Like malignancy inside, it’s insanity at work.

Leroy lost his life,
He says so on my cigarette box,
I wonder if our strife,
If our chasing, chaining thoughts,
I wonder if it’s right.
I wonder if we waste our time a lot.
I wonder maybe Christ,
Maybe Jesus already walked this walk
So we could take our time
And avoid the panic, anxiety bawl.
I feel this all the time,
I punched myself in the face to cope.
It didn’t help and now I cry
Until my eyes burn and I feel out of hope,
But I don’t need to know why.
I don’t know enough to act like I’m out of rope.
I can take my pride,
I can feed it to the crocodiles,
I can bide my time,
I can wait until it’s mine.
I can take my pride.
I can feed it to the crocodiles,
I can bide my time,
I can wait until it’s mine.
I can reinterpret life
Through the eyes of Jesus Christ.

I’m trading my hate.
Replacing my gait,
Full-facing my state,
I’m embroiled in faith.
Every single day I say,
“God, I need Your help today.”
I’m full-fledged, God stayed,
Made me a super safe place.
My brain feels unsafe like I fail
Every thought, but Jesus prevails.
He fulfills my heart anyway.
Lets me enjoy, partake and pray.

I wanna be more than a warning,
Cautionary tale, take a microwave, warm it,
Serve it on a plate to warriors,
Sell agendas to the well-appointed torches,
“Use this filter,” it’ll bring more in,
I’m exhausted from holding back everything.
But I don’t want to cause pain,
Never ever wanna make my mother cry again.
I know that’s insane,
Not pretending I’m not impossible but faith…
It’s faith, I promise it’s faith,
I won’t pretend I’m in the top 100 list,
I won’t present myself like a vocal terrorist.
I’m feeling old and I’m only twenty-eight.
My hips keeps falling out, autocorrect says I’m fake,
Take it all in stride, but I think I’m losing pace.
I can’t keep up with the crowds, they overwhelm my space.
My voicemail message doesn’t say, but I was watching while it rang,

I’m trading my hate.
Replacing my gait,
Full-facing my state,
I’m embroiled in faith.
Every single day I say,
“God, I need Your help today.”
I’m full-fledged, God stayed,
Made me a super safe place.
My brain feels unsafe like I fail
Every thought, but Jesus prevails.
He fulfills my heart anyway.
Lets me enjoy, partake and pray.
There’s an oak tree in my eye, where’s the wood chipper prescription?
I write poetry so I can change my own perception.
I hope you can take this at your own discretion,
Because I’m older now than yesterday’s intention.
Let go of the past, hold on to what’s impending,
Take my lovely for a walk down in the river valley.
Warning label made me fake until I forgot what I need,
Happiness became what I have not what I can be,
I hope this is over now, I do not want defeat.
Plant a grapevine, make it wind around the stoplight in the street,
I will overthrow what attempts to take my seat,
Today is dedicated to the Father of Mercy,
I’m not so afraid anymore and I can see peace
Just up ahead, yeah, I know it’s there for me.
So why would I distract myself by writing poetry?
I can use these hammer blows to remind myself: “Believe.”
It’s okay to struggle for the good you feel is needed,
Patience can produce a satisfying ending.
And you could feel the same amount of pain without relief.
It’s not like other planets are already full of green.

De-fence-ive

I do not want to defend myself,
I’m too impromptu, weekends can tell,
Terrified that I’ll miss what I’m here for,
But honestly, it’s too dusty over on the shelf.
On Friday, I got free, didn’t do that without Help,
I can feel anxiety without dysphoria, I’m set.
Trouble is my stomping grounds and i can skip out on despair.
Tell a little parable about a tortoise and a hare.

Cops can yell and tell me that my medicine smells, I’ll take it,
But my headphones cancel out the haters’ infiltration,
Find me in the lobby, say my hotel room smells patient,
I don’t know what you expected, I was on vacation.
Trepidation caught my ankle but I will not stop chasing,
Punch Achilles in the face, he’s not gonna take up faking,
Take Luigi into first place, but silver knows it’s taken.
Put the garbage can on stakes so it won’t drown in lake tide,
Let erosion have its place, but we’re here for making.
Building, planning, growth created,
What’s a seed worth if it’s cradled?
Let what’s dead die, you’ll be thankful.
Wait five seconds more, then chase what’s imminently procreated.
Take it in account, if it’s in the way, we’ll overcome by faithfulness.

I do not want to defend myself,
I’m too impromptu, weekends can tell,
Terrified that I’ll miss what I’m here for,
But honestly, it’s too dusty over on the shelf.
On Friday, I got free, didn’t do that without Help,
I can feel anxiety without dysphoria, I’m set.
Trouble is my stomping grounds and i can skip out on despair.
Tell a little parable about a tortoise and a hare.

Sometimes when it’s dark, there’s a long, long walk ahead of you.
But don’t leave it in park, you can journey with the Legendary One.
Near or far, He’s impervious to what holds onto us,
There’s no darkness in Yahweh, Jesus brought us victory in One.
There’s a rest you find when His face is all you want.
There’s a further place we can find when we feel done.
There’s a safety net, a quiet cove, nest like a dove.
Search, but you won’t find me in the hidden place above.
I got saved, brought to faith, got blessed by God’s Own Son.
Tell me what to say so I can point to where I run.
I don’t ever want to make my fans feel like they’re dumb.

I do not want to defend myself,
I’m too impromptu, weekends can tell,
Terrified that I’ll miss what I’m here for,
But honestly, it’s too dusty over on the shelf.
On Friday, I got free, didn’t do that without Help,
I can feel anxiety without dysphoria, I’m set.
Trouble is my stomping grounds and i can skip out on despair.
Tell a little parable about a tortoise and a hare.

I punched myself in the face so hard
That I needed stitches twice.
I could’ve called on my free ambulance card,
But I’m too scared I whine.
Hospital emergency rooms feel like cemetery yards,
Fatalistic brawn, depressing that we hide.
We don’t need to yawn like we’re superhero guards,
Can’t pretend that the medication fights,
Believe in me so I don’t restart,
I’ll return the favour no matter what’s right.
I can’t see as much about you as I feel on the inside,
Having conversations feels like peeking at your cards,
I can only point from the oak tree in my eye.
Hope my honesty doesn’t aggravate your heart.
I don’t want to be upsetting, but I’m verified.

I do not want to defend myself,
I’m too impromptu, weekends can tell,
Terrified that I’ll miss what I’m here for,
But honestly, it’s too dusty over on the shelf.
On Friday, I got free, didn’t do that without Help,
I can feel anxiety without dysphoria, I’m set.
Trouble is my stomping grounds and i can skip out on despair.
Tell a little parable about a tortoise and a hare.

Saving Face

There’s a man who shaved and then went back to bed,
Set to set the table, but didn’t make it there.
Sleepy eyes can’t see what’s ahead,
Maybe tomorrow can sing a happy song instead.

Chin up, today’s your day anyway,
Swing hope​ ’round your shoulders, let it stay,
That pillow won’t be colder on the other side,
Seven seconds, flip it over, out of bed and pray,
If there was a better way, if there was a better way,
We can wait until it’s set in better light today,
We can take it step by step instead of saving face.

Climate change took the Doomsday Vault,
I make strange-sounding music for my stock,
Apothecary stand, make selections that just talk,
I can barely stand, but I really want to walk.
I’ve been made for more than hanging on,
Rubbermaid containers full of dusty thoughts.
Keep them in the attic with fifty-eight old trunks,
I could imitate what you like but I feel stuck.

Chin up, today’s your day anyway,
Swing hope​ ’round your shoulders, let it stay,
That pillow won’t be colder on the other side,
Seven seconds, flip it over, out of bed and pray,
If there was a better way, if there was a better way,
We can wait until it’s set in better light today,
We can take it step by step instead of saving face.

If we can forget the past–
And that’s harder than anything–
If we can just leave it where it is,
We can have tomorrows that owe us nothing.
We can face today without regret,
We can chase what’s really worth cherishing,
We can find what’s true at last
If we can just forget the past.
Overcomer’s dash;
No rubbernecking back.
Hurdles prevent whiplash
And scars are kinda cool if they’re bad.
Overcomer’s dash.
Feel the thunder crash,
Overwhelming beats blast back,
Couldn’t find the peace that I lack
Until I said “Screw it,” and I gave it all back.
What the heck? Guess I’m at bat.
Maybe there’s a proxy flask.
I can’t translate for the mad,
The interrogant, and crass,
Oxford commas make a pass,
But you can’t hear that in my raps.

Chin up, today’s your day anyway,
Swing hope​ ’round your shoulders, let it stay,
That pillow won’t be colder on the other side,
Seven seconds, flip it over, out of bed and pray,
If there was a better way, if there was a better way,
We can wait until it’s set in better light today,
We can take it step by step instead of saving face.

I don’t have to punish myself,
I don’t have to punish myself
I don’t have to punish myself.
I am forgiven,
I am forgiven.
Let me act forgiven,
Let me stand for seven,
Let me get up eight,
Let me skip the nines,
The tens, the trending viral crimes,
If there is a third that I can find,
I don’t want to pantomime.
Set aflame to designer jeans of mine,
Inherited a flawed, but cool gene line.
Let’s go intercept what is trying to imply
We can’t chase what’s good because of what’s stuck in our eyes,
Glad it’s been forgiven, I’ll do anything for Jesus Christ

Chin up, today’s your day anyway,
Swing hope​ ’round your shoulders, let it stay,
That pillow won’t be colder on the other side,
Seven seconds, flip it over, out of bed and pray,
If there was a better way, if there was a better way,
We can wait until it’s set in better light today,
We can take it step by step instead of saving face.

At The Sun

I’m aiming my Apache guns,
At the sun, at the sun,
I’m aiming my Apache guns
At the sun.
Watch me run,
By the parapet,
I’m as safe as they get,
I’m contained by the Best.
Stick with me, I confess,
You’ll not find what I want yet,
And I can point what’s right from left,
But what’s a compass working at?
Forward, upward, onward, gasp.
This is difficult as frack,
Sisyphus keeps looking back,
Push the rock, it’s fake and flat.
I’m time you’ll break through even that.

Oh, That,
Scarred and stacked,
My fleshly lack,
Get scared, backtrack,
I’ll stand right back
Up and hit the training mat.

I’m gonna buy a Super Soaker,
Something that reaches the magpie croakers,
A BB gun would work, but it might hurt,
And I can’t really aim well, so that’d be worse,
Plus, I think the ambulance is an undercover hearse.
Water cannon might perform like lessons I have learned,
But this subscription is expired, wasteband’s all outworn.
I can write without the gripe, and I’ll overcome the curse.
Death can’t touch the Life that’s given freely to God’s church.

Anger is my addiction,
Sadness triggers negative reaction.
Depression is my refusal to accept my clinical condition.
Diagnostic periscope can check my stomach lining,
Find I have anxiety beyond what you can fathom.
Calculated examination of the chains where I’m still addled,
I am choosing life, and sometimes it costs to tattle.
When I get scared, I act like I can heal if I get off my medical marijuana saddle.
Symptomatic ministration might relieve what got so scattered,
But taking off the Band-Aid just encourages more bad words.
Did I find the grace that I effuse about in battle?
Can I contemplate the change and get myself re-salted?
Don’t I have enough already? Heck, I feel quite rattled.
There’s pushback all the time, it’s the tension we put casts on.
But feeling what you want does not indicate patchy lawns,
Grass grows green, but it’s the morning glories yawn,
That might be what you long for, I’m aiming my Apache guns,
At the sun, at the sun,
I’m aiming my Apache guns
At the sun.
Watch me run,
By the parapet,
I’m as safe as they get,
I’m contained by the Best.
Stick with me, I confess,
You’ll not find what I want yet,
And I can point what’s right from left,
But what’s a compass working at?
Forward, upward, onward, gasp.
This is difficult as frack,
Sisyphus keeps looking back,
Push the rock, it’s fake and flat.
I’m time you’ll break through even that.

There’s a mourning dove
Singing sad songs from above.
I can tell the rabbits​ stuff,
Like they’ll listen, not just run,
But the honeybee had fun
When I planted in the sun,
Pollen, nectar gathered up,
Let’s make honey from this stuff.
In the world, but so not of,
We can worship God’s Own Son,
In Jesus’ Name, ‘Til Kingdom come.
Heaven is how we define love.
It’s not offensive to forgive.
Mercy knows what trouble is,
And darkness is just shadows of pain.

Let’s dance,
Haha!
Let’s dance,
Janky knees, do jumping jacks,
Crank this beat, we don’t fall flat!
Let’s dance,
Haha!
Let’s dance!
Janky knees, do jumping jacks!
Crank this beat, tell God He’s all that!
Dance dance dance,
Hahaha!
Dance, dance, dance.

I’m aiming my Apache guns,
At the sun, at the sun,
I’m aiming my Apache guns
At the sun.
Watch me run,
By the parapet,
I’m as safe as they get,
I’m contained by the Best.
Stick with me, I confess,
You’ll not find what I want yet,
And I can point what’s right from left,
But what’s a compass working at?
Forward, upward, onward, gasp.
This is difficult as frack,
Sisyphus keeps looking back,
Push the rock, it’s fake and flat.
I’m time you’ll break through even that.

You might think my voice is shaking,
But I think I’m just learning to sing.
You might think I’m employed by fakeness,
But I think I already left that all behind.
You can tell me what I think,
But that just won’t make you right.
You can ice my hockey rink,
But I still don’t have skates.
All I know is I don’t know anything.
Every day I get so crushed I just cannot quit repenting.

Rat a tat tracks,
Rapid panic attacks,
Rat pit poison on sneaky tacks,
Wrack guilt back, clack the slide lock back,
Crappy matter facts stick their toes into traps,
Backtrack this spat, I shoulda started with “Rap.”
Practically impactable, tattle like I’m Batman’s dad,
Prattle at the back gate, standing outside with a bat,
Packing extra layers into everybody’s mat.
Patronizing past defenses might replace what’s next at hand.
Scattered like I think I had my best day in the past.

You might think my voice is shaking,
But I think I’m just learning to sing.
You might think I’m employed by fakeness,
But I think I already left that all behind.
You can tell me what I think,
But that just won’t make you right.
You can ice my hockey rink,
But I still don’t have skates.
All I know is I don’t know anything.
Every day I get so crushed it just feels unrelenting.

I’m not enough,
I’m not enough,
Tell the truth in love,
Then get mad and glum,
I’m not enough,
I’m not enough,
Tell what’s honest and stuff,
Keep myself in Christ.
Maybe I can run,
Maybe I can run.
Fear is like a drum,
Sea beaten cliff high above,
Maybe I can jump,
Maybe I can jump.
Spread my wings and hum,
Soar in the air through pillars of cloud,
If I can fly, I can run.
If I can fly, I can run.
Watch me, Jesus, overcome,
Hold what falls so I don’t doubt.
I can trust in Jesus.
I can trust in Jesus.

You might think my voice is shaking,
But I think I’m just learning to sing.
You might think I’m employed by fakeness,
But I think I already left that all behind.
You can tell me what I think,
But that just won’t make you right.
You can ice my hockey rink,
But I still don’t have skates.
All I know is I don’t know anything.
Every day I get so crushed I just cannot quit repenting.

We get our butts kicked day after day.
Somebody come help, but I think we’ll be okay.
We stand as strong as we can pray,
But falling down stays yesterday.
Did I trip? I can’t play hate,
Interrupt and save my day.
I’m okay, I’ll be okay,
Tomorrow can’t be yesterday.
I’m okay, I’ll be okay,
Today is not the same as yesterday.
I’m okay.
I’m okay.

Until

Until it’s done,
Until it’s done,
Keep going on,
Endure with hopeful song.
Until it’s done
And we’ve gone Home,
We’ll keep on,
Pushing, waiting, pressing in,
Until it’s done.
Until it’s done.

This is a long, long road.
We keep doing as we’re told.
There’s no hope in how we cope,
It’s legislative, like a rope.
Put a label on the droves,
Let them understand their own.
Hunger clamours for a throne
And indulgences keep us alone.
Did we love or throw them out?
I don’t say this with a doubt:
If we wanted peace, we’d help.

Until it’s done,
Until it’s done,
Keep going on,
Endure with hopeful song.
Until it’s done
And we’ve gone Home,
We’ll keep on,
Pushing, waiting, pressing in,
Until it’s done.
Until it’s done.

We’re no better than the rest.
Can our faith really pass the test?
Do we brag before we repent?
Do we comprehend our own intent?
Pull the log out, leave a dent,
I’ve got something in my squint.
Cloudy day, but after this,
Sunrise​ still burns what we’ve bent.
Kick the squirrel out of his nest,
Cherry picking crows attest:
We knew more when we knew less,
And chasing fixes gets us spent.

Until it’s done,
Until it’s done,
Keep going on,
Endure with hopeful song.
Until it’s done
And we’ve gone Home,
We’ll keep on,
Pushing, waiting, pressing in,
Until it’s done.
Until it’s done.

I lost my mind…
Go back in time,
Find it stuck in rewind,
Replay the crimes,
The incessant rhymes,
The internalized,
Unintended lies,
Where there is no light,
And break down walls tonight.
I will not give up on this fight.
I know hope shines like a Lite-Brite,
I know it’s expensive, I’m a Mennonite,
We would rather know it all than take correction right.

Until it’s done,
Until it’s done,
Keep going on,
Endure with hopeful song.
Until it’s done
And we’ve gone Home,
We’ll keep on,
Pushing, waiting, pressing in,
Until it’s done.
Until it’s done.