Honestly

These pages depress me lately.
Courageous–Bah! I’m repressing safety,
Interested in hatred, intellectual basement,
Irrepressible fear is ineffectual abasement.
Irritate the heart of the undeveloped razors,
Scuttlebut the brains of unperturbable trailblazers.
Impress unimpressionable, impersonal soul haters,
See? I can use big words too,
Use them to run away from what’s true…
Soooo clever, wow, he’s cool,
Fraidy-cat points the way if you’re a fool.

But I’m trying not to be mad.
Nobody talks to the sad;
Better to mock what we had
Than try to walk when it’s bad.

Yeah, you congratulate my excellence,
Call me out where we congregate, ignoring pestilence,
But when I stagger in late with huge-knuckled hands
Eyes like a raccoon ’cause I fell again…

What happens then?
What happens when…
I stumble in again,
Void of faith and defense,
Cut me down again?
Sow my frown into a grin?
Make me live like Coraline…

Sucks that you think I shoud take your advice,
You know who you are, sucking on avarice,
Frustrated again, I just want to take last place,
Helping the people in need, I am serious.

The upside to being down
Is you know what it’s like to frown,
When your heart is all upside down,
It’s not so hard to see the count.
I can’t see what you’re about,
But your motives speak a shout,
Make it obvious, there’s no doubt.

But I don’t wanna be against you,
Any one, I never wanted to…
Why do I get so overwhelmed?
I just wanted to hang out.

Oh well, I’m learning to trust,
Learning I must
Find a place without lust,
A home safe from dust,
No more wanderlust.

I didn’t write this for you.
No, you’re not that special, dude,
Set it on my lawn like a sprinkler to
Make sure my grass is always greener than you.

See where I’m at?
I’m not pretending, Dad.
I don’t want to be flat,
My belief’s not all that
I thought it was cracked
Up to be, so I’m sad.

I hope that’s okay,
Hope that I don’t fade,
I’m okay with last place.
Just please don’t shut the gate…

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