Fits

I just got back from my therapist,
Told her ’bout where I’m at in this,
Sometimes I feel like I’m aware of slits,
Like I can hop out through the fabric’s rip,And if I hang around in there, I’ll trip.

And I’m amazed at this,
Feels like my brain’s in fits,
But my heart, my center sits
In safe places, in heavenly kit.
I feel like I’m unstoppable,
But slow motion like bullet-time mode,
I’m running on home, hope as my rope,
I’m coming unglued, but that’s how I let go,
I scream when I’m broke, I’m often alone…
But Almighty God knows, oh oh, Jesus knows.

So I’m amazed at this,
Feels like my brain’s in fits,
But at my heart, my center sits,
In safe places, in heavenly kit.

And I keep hiding from it,
The truth is I’m pretty much shit,
But that’s my old sweater, knit
From bad weather and a thrown-away kilt,
It doesn’t fit, I’m not here for this.

So I’m amazed, in fits,
Feels like my name’s on this,
But at my heart my center sits,
In safe places, in heavenly kit.

See, the truth is, I’m home,
At heart, at the safe place in my soul,
God glows, sets fires that don’t go,
More than a fireplace, this heat flows,
From the perfect, forever Bastion of Love.

And I’m amazed! It fits!
Because I came upon this,
Before I knew my center sits,
In safe places, in heavenly kit!

Are you hearing this? Are you reading these words?
Can you breathe quips all day long? It’s absurd.
Eventually what you’re saying is heard,
Some day your whole life will turn backwards,
And you will fail yourself just as well as old hurts.

And I’m amazed, in fits,
Because my name’s not on this,
But at my heart, my center sits,
In safe places, in heavenly kit.

I stayed at rock bottom,
Lost faith in my faith when
I came to my end,
Showed up empty-handed.
So empty handed…
That I couldn’t handle,
This broken candle,
Melted on down, fell to the ground,
Became one with the gravel.
Who could tattle?

Death rattled…

so I’m amazed in fits
because my name’s not on this
but at my heart my center sits
in safe places, in heavenly kit

Death rattled.
Mind so addled…
I couldn’t battle.

So I fell.
Far.
Down.
To hell.

God caught me there.
Stopped my despair,
Just before I scrapped a bear,
Pulled me back from there…

And I’m amazed. It fits.
My God’s Name is not on this,
But at my heart, my center is,
In safe places, told I’m His kid.

Lost faith in my faith,
I didn’t say I found it again,
I said I was caught by my Dad.
I said that I’m so glad.
But I never found that again.

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