Wish I Never Stooped

I heard you yesterday,
You thought I wouldn’t, but what did you say?
My headphones weren’t playing,
“What a weirdo,” you said,
Like you knew what was in my head,
Did you know I was wishing for death?
Screaming inside for an end to my mind mess?
Of course you didn’t, you didn’t mean to offend,
In fact, if it’s a real thought, should you even pretend?
I already know I’m weird, it’s your diagnosis that went
Past my head into my heart, like you already knew about my self-abasement,
Oh dear random stranger, you spoke from your part, but you meant it,
This troublesome mind of mine, it feels like it’s cemented.
These creases in my face are inevitably creeping, it’s relentless,
When I’m really down, it’s all I can do not to wish I had better.

So call me a weirdo,
If you wanna, I can hear it,
Whether or not your mouth’ll speak it,
Know it’s on your mind before you even leek it,
l can see it in your eyes when you cover it with beseeching.
So better just to pry it all out when you’re already overreaching.

Lord my God, my words and thoughts,
Don’t reflect Your lot, don’t remain the way they ought,
Feel like I’m spinning on the spot,
Look above all this, You say, but then I stop,
Like I’m afraid to rise up over this slop,
Wish I never stopped…
Wish I never stooped…

Really wanna see,
Let me be
Free,
Didn’t expect this grief,
This unexpected thief
Came to aggravate when I was really weak,
I cannot speak,
Can barely peek,
Terrified I caused this week,
Know I’m in Your hands, I’m just vacillating,
Help me know I’m in Your hands, I AM willing…
Help me know I’m in Your hands, I am willing…

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