Hold Me Up

How do I express this?
Maybe I’m like a ship,
My hull is free of ribs,
Hit a wave, I make it,
But not before I’m breaking,
Planks against their pitch are creaking,
Masts without a cinch weap, pleading
For mercy in this dark and windswept leading.

Or maybe like a tree,
Set free with just a breeze,
Roots so deep that I can’t see,
Branches reaching heavenly,
Blossoms fell this season, really,
But who knows? The future’s healing,
Maybe there’s fruit yet in this week of grieving…

Trees are lonely, I’m a garden,
Don’t know if I did it right this year, please pardon,
Thought to expect a harvest, but instead I think I’m an empty larder,
Maybe it’s potatoes? Picking through the leaves but there’s no flower,
Disappointment’s hard to ignore when you expected larger,
Honest, I expected more, disappointment’s so hard to ignore.

Spoiled like a brat at Christmas,
Spit it all back, guess I’m thankless,
Wow, wanna take it all back, kiss Your ankles,
Hang on to your feet, oh just drag me by Your sandals,
Hold me up, Lord, on Your Way, I can’t do this by myself, no,
Guess I’m hobblin’ in, but I’ll never stop pushing this snow,
I won’t give up, I will not lose hope, it’s Your mercy that sustains this rope.

I’m a poem on the page,
Typing out in all my rage,
Desperately to engage,
With a heaven that’s so far above my stage,
But I know these gears won’t stay
Until I learn my way, ’til I yearn Yahweh,
But I’m earnest in my own way, insistent that it’s okay,
It’s not okay, I’m lost okay? I didn’t know how bad I needed You today,
Don’t give up my grey, weary head it’s all I can say…oh God, hold me up today.

Maybe I’m a colour
You just cannot discover,
Maybe I’m uncovered
But nobody knows to love it,
Maybe I’m Your lover,
But only my soul can have it?

Oh but I’m broken, lost in hopelessness and I’m moping,
Never goes away, wanted to hide away, thought that I could hoe it,
Dig a ditch and grow it, instead I got my toes wet in boots without a hole in ’em,
Guess you could say I wet myself, wish I wasn’t such a whelp, 
I’m in desp’rate need of help,
I’m in desp’rate need of
Reduce me to myself,
Strip me of my old pelt,
Don’t want this grieving in my self,
Guess it won’t end ’til I’m off the shelf,
Give me strength to quell this fiery storm, my indemnity bell,
Help me hold up Your torch when I’m well and when I’m in hell.

I’m Yours, I’m just forlorn,
Help me worship just Your form,
Do not want to turn to scorn,
Won’t admit that I’m all torn
Between myself and who You’ve borne,
But I want You, Lord, I’m desp’rate for more,
Help me find the strength to live the way that You adore.
Help me find the strength to live the way that You adore.


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