Don’t wanna tell You about this,
I actually had my hopes up, got excited,
Maybe Daddy cares about my feelings…
But the blindside,
Never saw it coming,
One minute, I was standing,
The next, pounding my head through the floor…
I guess I just feel let down,
My best intent is a wrinkly frown,
Guess I’m devastated, God, You let me down,
Maybe I’m just frustrated, why can’t I enjoy the song?
Now I’m beaten and bruised,
Feeling every kind of abused,
Head’s all swollen, black and blue,
They once said you can’t do that to you.
If it’s so physically impossible,
For a grown man to break self-control
And hit himself like he’s lost his soul,
Then where’s my hope? This whole battle’s your grow.
But how can I point the finger?
I know that of all us, I’m the stinker,
I just had no idea it would linger,
Didn’t mean to upset your life or anger,
But you know I’m all alone and you don’t answer,
Guess I know you’re all alone and where’s my cancer?
But God, it hurts to chew,
I punched myself, okay? Big deal.
But it is, it just is, my head hurts for real,
I yelled at You, swore all mad at You, said You hated me for real,
And I’m still so numb inside from my fleshly sacrifice, I want to heal,
Can you forgive this wretched soul? I want more than anything to be–
Oh God, this selfish soul of mine, how can it be?–I just want to be happy.
Why’s it too much to ask?
They all say You don’t care enough to react,
But what’s lovingkindness if not that?
I just don’t want to understand, I guess I’m falling back,
But I didn’t expect it, just was really hopeful that
Maybe, just once, this time, You’d call me back.
I was really hoping that.
I was really hoping that.
But my head is swollen from Your attendance,
Would never call You late, just, You missed the whole thing,
I was crying, neighbours knocking, God, where were You, sleeping?
Read promise after promise that You’d lay me down in bed,
That this nightmare would finally end,
Guess I had hope in where I’ll land,
Instead of where You put me to stand.
Middle of the freeway, put out my eyes, is Your laughter disguised?
I’m STILL Yours, God, don’t care what You do, keep me stuck on this ride,
I won’t hide my eyes from You when I cry, and it’s to You I’ll wail when I finally die…
But God, the joy’s gone, Your mercy’s an echoing song,
Even the hope I had in health flew Home, no wonder I feel so alone,
Shut up, if you’re reading this, and fuck off and go mock your own,
This is legitimate, I’m not spitting up foam.
But I was before.
Wish I’d locked that door,
Never let the lion roar,
Should’ve admitted I’m the whore,
Should’ve, could’ve, maybe if I would’ve, I’d be adored,
Fat chance of that, this life’s apparently saved and stored,
Somebody hit F5 right before I took a sword.
I am not here to be greedy,
But here I am, feed me,
I was not born for selfishness,
Think I’m better than you nonetheless,
Was never intended to be happy?
How can this fit here?