Not to Wallow

You know, I always thought one day I’d fit in,
Always fought to get invited in, do their bidding,
‘Til my head was spinning from the ways that you’re thinking,
Embittered against my hurt, I was always hitting
This wall of dead-ends, spitting against the bit in
These teeth that I’ve chipped and wasted too much time in.

Never anticipated becoming the one who’s so easily hated,
Wasn’t in it to feel one with the drums of immolation,
I thought it was safe, okay? Never expected the aggravation,
It took a long time before I saw you write down about me,”Exaggeration,”
Before I could see that you regard me to be just humiliation,
Until I understood that to you I am just embarrassing.

I’m written off, I’m unused,
I’ve bitten off more than I can chew,
I’ve had it now, I’m unamused,
Wish you’d rather just abused.

Follow Me instead,
Follow Me instead…

I think I’m becoming okay with killing the conversation,
It’s starting to get a little less gray when I still my self-abasement,
Wish that I could say I’m learning to be patient,
But maybe it’s safer if I claim to have earned this vacation,
Look me in the eye next time you think I’m just crazy,
Maybe you won’t see anything except the weight of this haze leave.

Where are You to follow?
Where are You to follow…?

I was purposed to glorify Him through this,
Wish I was immersed inside of my King, True-ness,
Couldn’t have determined to become more, screw this,
I’m not becoming more than He has spoken, losin’ my intelligence,
Now I sit here just hopin’; You’re not cruel when You fix,
Father, holy Abba, please carry me through this.

Help me to follow,
Help me to follow…

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