Blah

Here again, back again, every morning cracking it open like a Coca Cola can.
Keep expecting to wake up in my right mind, gotta keep trying, get in my right mind.
And I’m tired of correcting these backhanded, slack-mannered adversary lies,
So I dedicate this to my Dad Who’s in heaven, not the devil, ’cause I’m level,
Not writing this for my accuser, that abuser, God has never called me a loser.
It’s hard not to.
Keep going back to
This old way of thinking,
But You’ll help me, this is healthy,
I can talk my thoughts while You spot, think I ought
To repent again, this is endless man, God, please pick me from this pan.
And I’m scared, God, today, that yesterday’s gonna replay with all its pain.
If Your Spirit’s not possessin’, God I’m messin’, this obsession’s got me stressin’.
I am not here to complain, the aim of the game’s to heal from pain, not maintain it,
But this is HARD, God, I don’t think anyone can do it, just stuck in my far thoughts.
I really wanna wake up free, like You promise me, when will I see?
Hoo… Gotta calm down, this anxiety’s like a bad hip, a bad trip, need a cane for it,
But I’m thankful, yeah, this is for real, that I’m not just a handful to You, that You came to heal.
That there’s more to life than escaping the frying pan, I’m repossessing the land.
Feel like the loneliest warrior, but sorrier, bit of a worrier, but I’m a demon burier.
This sword is sharp, heaven’s not just playing a harp, get in my way, I’ma tear you apart!
So, Abba Father, help me just avoid this bother, I’m not trying to approve of slaughter.
No, but we slay, ’cause we raise His name in praise all day. Can I say?
Never by myself in this wasteland, buckled waistband, won’t catch me with my pants down.
Jesus, I smoke too many cigarettes, it’s irrelevant? How could it be, this elephant?
Trying to lay this out in thanks, with grace, God, I desp’rately wanna see Your face.
I’m okay with only feelin’ pain, I’m not insane, just sticking in my lane,
Just need to know and remember it’s You, not me, next December.
But I know, oh how I know! You promise life, You promise hope!
This ever-present bleeding in my mind is not the kind to make You decline
Mercy and love and faithfulness, You make me glad, full of thankfulness.
Help me pull my mind from this brine, this grime, it isn’t mine.
You’re here for me every day, every time I come to pray,
I didn’t mean to complain, didn’t come here to just stare at the rain,
Foggin’ up the windows with condensation pain, creepin’ on the pane.
No, know I can see it, through the center, help me enter
Into Your presence, Lord, I’m desp’rate for it.
Cannot seem to see, need Your eyes that focus, see,
These wiper blades haphazardly flailing to distract me.
Marksman rifle buried in my homemade trifle,
Pointless that I made it, think I just profaned it,
Painted over crosshairs are all my hopes and cares.
So I’m asking for new lenses, hoping to build up my defenses.
Cannot do this on my own, I’m not equipped to go alone,
I need backup, got my tracks up, I would rather attack my fear than back up.
So Jehovah God, You can defend my shamefully shod,
Negligently, definitely, hastily defferent nod
Toward the fish hooks that cut, tug, rifle through my books.
Surgic’lly remove these puppet string hooks, perfectly move, You do more than look.
Pull out the Matrix plug so I quit playin’ in the mud, I hate the smell of blood.
Settle me down, God, please help me be quiet.
This mind is a disaster, always trying to go faster,
I can’t do this, need my Master, save me from myself, I’m crashin’.
Try to stop askin’ all the wrong questions, bashin’
My head against this wall, rehashin’.
Would rather quit thinking than keep hinting
That it’s gonna fall apart, didn’t get this far
On my own, without Your help, I wouldn’t be here anymore.
Help me settle, help me set
My eyes on You, Your help.
Glory’s true, find hope in Truth,
Heaven’s too real, not sure what to feel.
Thank you, Father, I’ll drop this bother.

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