Punching Paper

Where am I?
This is next level numb,
Where am I?
This is some extra kind of dumb…

This is ridiculous, meticulous, mercilessly arduous,
I just wanna wake up me, not this nothingness,
Thought my thoughts were like water, but they’re streching thin,
Drag ’em like they’re plastic wrap, sticking, wearing through, my skin.

Just give me something to hang onto,
Give me a page to throw words through,
Help me, this stage is too much for me to do,
I’m still incapable of looking that far into the future.

Would rather be here,
I’d just rather be clear of the fear,
And I know I’m allowed to just be me,
And that Almighty God is working in me,
So what’s wrong with me, why do I worry?
My head’s full of liquid, insipid and unclean,
Why can’t it settle down, just gather around,
Get my thoughts together, stop checking the weather,
I’m not stupid, all this is just overwhelming, I’ll get hurt,
Definitely not smart, thinking a lot’s just a day in the dirt.
But come quiet my heart, Lord, I’m Yours, I need Your Word,
I’m tired, frustrated, but I am all Yours, don’t let me be scared, this is absurd.

This balcony is a box of safety,
One side’s got rails, the rest concrete and reflective sheet,
Leave me outside, come back in a month, I’ll have it covered in vines,
Put me in the dirt, in all my hurt, without a church, and still of this I’m sure,
That my abiding in Him is doing more than just cov’ring my sin,
That a life spent with Him bears fruit wherever I am.
Think I’m gonna be okay.
Think now I can settle today.

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