Past Tense

Alright, I woke up clear,
This morning seems given to me,
It’s a day I know God’s near,

So I’m okay, that’s okay, I’m not here to panic today,
So, what? So now what? Am I just gonna sit here on my butt?
Calm enough to play video games, it’s a miracle, heady daze.

Stupid to admit, but I’m not the type to quit,
It’s a bright, shiny day, I can say, but I’m one wrong breath away,
One failed thought from tripping up, overstepped reason falls to crippling doubt.

So now what? Stay in my safe bubble,
Get my members in a huddle,
Play like I can’t stay out of trouble?

It’s all thin ice to me, you see, so it’s hard to be free,
Wouldn’t mind just sitting out and looking on and seeing if I can fix what’s wrong.
Not afraid of getting dirt on my hands, it’s the deep I can’t stand.

I’m not asking you to see me eye to eye,
I’m not tryna get you to look up at the sky,
I do not want to upset your perfect lives.

If I could do this without the distress,
If I could remit, might requite, find respite,
I’m not a game to quit, got my teeth on the bit,
It’s my season to hit life right outtta the park, pit,
Think I’m misdiscerning it, postulate I’m way too concerned about this,
Push and pull and gnaw at my grit, I am not your establishment,
So I suggest you take a step back for a minute,
Take a look back with dedicated discernment,
Taking a pill before you admit that this is too much for us to blanket.

Ohhh, I’m not done yet, just hauling back coffee and cigarettes and a steady supply of medical,
Wish life was simpler, wish that my hands could be emptier, wish that responsibility wasn’t critical.
Get me outta this shark tank before I learn to swim it, I’m not here to win this, I’m not that cynical.

That’s the problem with me, fighting fear about fear,
You wanna judge my steering, say I’m veering with a sneer,
Please remember this November that I’m not here to be clear,
And this forever never-ender of a winter’s gonna end up in a fender bender,
But what’s broken’s fixed better, we’re not fettered, fulfillment’s not found in checking the weather.
But if it’s raining, just soak. If it’s storming, hold close, and when the sun is shining, find hope.
The desert’s just a better version of bad weather, loosening our chains and getting us unfettered.

So don’t complain about the rain, this isn’t pain, get on the train,
If I could find a name to blame, it’d be my sake, don’t play this game,
I couldn’t take aim if it was the play of the day, couldn’t take away
What was yours today, yesterday, or tomorrow’s hopeful gain.
Don’t let my pain affect your game, I’m just here to stay the day,
Do you think it might refrain if I could learn the rules and pray?

You didn’t hurt me, but I’m burnin’.
You’re not my kerchief, I’m just churning,
I’m not a man’s chief, yank the curtain.

Gonna go put knives to the lies,
Stomp out the fear of being clear,
I make no sense, full of past tense.

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