Just Something

Sorry I’m back,
Wish I wasn’t here again.
Woke up with a bad back,
Mouthful of cinnamon.

Some days, the swim isn’t in water, it’s thick, mercury,
Not trying to whine, or complain, just hoping for mercy,
Really, truth, I’m not scared to hurt; it’s fear that creeps me,
Am I gonna stay here all day? Don’t say, rhetorical heresay.

Oh, I hate days like today,
Always act like they’re gonna stay,
Saying, “Hey hey hey, you: loser, okay?”
Stomping on my balcony, screaming that I’m me today.
Yeah, but really I’m not,
Yeah, I’m really just shot,
Wake up different every morning,
Wake up with such brand new mourning,
Who’s gonna wake me from this scorning?
I am not the type to balk at scourging.
But the waves rush high, they’re surging,
I am not the one who flies high, spy in the sky,
Trampled, repeatedly stamped on, just a frail little guy,
Who’s gonna stop this unrelenting wave?
Who’s going to step in and save this mis’rable day?
Not here to fix me today, oh lies, just go away,
I’m not here to fix me today, oh take your strife away.

Really just miss my sanity.
Really just wish I wasn’t so full up on vanity,
All I want is goodness, life, truth, maybe a capacity
To give, to love, be an example of a godly humanity,
Feel like I just suck, mess up, full of fearful depravity,
Point and laugh, stop and stare, I’m making a scene for your mockery,
Saying, “Can’t you grow up, take hold of responsibiity?”

Oh to scream and laugh and wail and shout and punch you in the mouth,
I’m getting so fed up with worrying ’bout worry that now I just leave in a hurry,
And you yell at my rearview, screaming, “Trial’s not over, you’re facing the jury.”
Man, all that, and I swear I just wanna be good, wanana belong to the Truth.

I’m just here, waiting, profuse,
What’s the next catastrophe’s excuse?
Is my fear legitimate? Am I the trapper’s noose?
Still waiting for the sickly smell of fresh-cut grass mixed with blood that’s flowing fast,
Every summer since my past, smell that’s waiting to come flooding from the last,

Kinda hate that I’m saying this, wish I could say that I’m playing this,
Pulling barbed wire from my throat, wretching out a goat,
But it’s true, it’s the truth, and this is not here for your moot,
Had to get it out, had to say it, report it or just shoot,
I’m here, wide open, spinning wheel, just throw the next one,
I’m not bleeding, so when’s it time for my next beating?

Oh, fear, hide away,
Oh dear, goodbye, today,
Try again tomorrow,
Or another day…


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