Wide Open

The thing about ink is it can splash anywhere.
This desk is a testament to that. See if you can see.
Is it too much to call it blood when it’s bleeding?
Am I out of line if I call a cigarette a razor? Hope not.
Better to be self aware, pretty sure, than be stuck up in the clouds
Now please don’t think I’m all about ink.
It’s not just about this bleeding me dry.
The choices I’ve made now are self aware.
Replacing self-abasing punishment, listen close.
Scars still fading, the storm’s still abating.
Just gonna take time, I’m not afraid to be patient.
I regret almost everything I say,
I self-punish my narcissism every single day.
This isn’t here for you to read, it’s here so I don’t bleed where you can see.
Don’t wanna bleed where you can see.
I’m wide open here, heart’s pried apart to do this.
But I don’t have a lot of safe places, don’t wanna leave any traces,
Just let me be, read if you need a seed, or leave if you wanna creep.
I’m not here for you, but take if you see fruit, I’m wide open.
Listen close.
There’s not a lot in me that’s not covered in rust.
Even bits that are coated in dust.
Not proud of that, really hate that fact,
Wish it would scram, quit pulling this scam, I’m not your laboratory rat.
Still, it’s the best I can do, getting straight up and open.
Not always easy, ever, but I’m done checking the weather.
This is all gonna go up like tinder. Make no mistake.
But I’m getting set, far forward, gonna make this a win.
Study like school, wherever you’re put, and quit fear.
I’m gonna be okay. The fire’s getting put out today, don’t worry.
Open your eyes.
I’m not here to tell lies.
Not even survive.
Kinda crawled over that mountain,
Didn’t stop me anyway.
Got Backup in spades, and help besides,
It’s gonna be okay, He hasn’t decayed.
Put your faith in Jupiter for playing the shield,
I’ll look to his Maker for pulling every punch.
It’s gonna be okay.
Got Died for, got Paid for, I’m not here to live, but die to myself.
The hardest battle I ever fought wasn’t suicide, but me.


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