The End of Me

I’ve been thinking lately,
I’ve been saying maybe,
What if, could it, do you think it’s crazy?
I’ve been turning stuff over in my head,
Sleepless nights spent in my bed,
Been thinking that maybe I’m not insane,
Thinkin’ this lately, it’s only a brain.
Not like I can’t cope,
Not like I can’t hope.

See I’m not going crazy,
Yeah, been there, done that.
Now I can cut the worry haze, see,
Just never start thinking it’s easy.

But now,
But now,
I can work,
Yeah I can work,
Oh you might not see it,
But I promise I’m hauling.
And it’s stupid and pointless to talk ’bout myself,
But you’re not really list’ning, plus this isn’t for you.
I just can’t keep it in, won’t keep my mind on a spin.
Better to bleed where you can fit a Band-Aid,
Than to sputter and spout it all out on the inside.

And now I’ve been spending time thinking.
Starting to relax, yeah, the stress goes out my back,
Bitten scars forever mar my hands,
But a cigarette’s a pinch, a burn and it’s gone.
Can’t ditch the self harm, I guess, but it’s mine.
Can’t fix the past, but there’s diamonds to mine.
Not gonna look backwards when the whole future’s set forward!

No, I won’t justify myself anymore,
No, I won’t sanctify myself anymore,
If you’ll forgive me the metaphor,
If you will look to the core, see,
Spiritual life is not masturbatory.
Can’t water that down when it’s sin plain and simple,
Can’t coat that with sugar when I know I’m a sinner.
Yeah, deflecting conviction is inconsistent with the existence of persistence!
Are we all just waiting with measures, lurking ’til others reveal their deep treasures?

If we could just quit being pathetic,
If we would just up and quit the apathetic
Inconsistent revelation of a constellation that will not quit changing.
Now we’re here, we’re up to our ears, isn’t this exactly all our deepest fears?
The future was once hopeful and true, back then we thought that we knew,
We thought that we knew.

Isn’t it better to know than to see?
Is it greater to think or believe?
Is there hope in perfect measure?
Is there life in immaculately kept time?
Watch the clock, talk the walk, the week won’t stop.
Catch, engage, see the words on this page,
It’s not every day we can look at the age,
And it’s not every season we can discern a reason,
But I’m starting to think, heart’s going on the blink,
That we’re gonna see change whether we’re ready or full of rage.
That it’s not gonna be long before we hear that great song,
That it won’t be as late as we wanna postulate.

But what do I know?
Yeah, what do I sow?
Am I hear to deal low blows
Or am I here to behold?
Something that’s amazing, mind de-hazing,
Wondrous to behold, shaking all but gold.
Who is This that comes on the dawn?
Who is This shattering the sky?
Who is This One Who breaks the darkness?
Who is He Who deals justly with the broken and downtrodden?
Who is This King Who heals the wounded?
Who is He That loves us this way?
Who is This Almighty One?
What does He not know?
Who can know His mind?
Who could see His face?
Who can behold Him?
King, Saviour, I’m overblown,
Your glory, King God, Your glory.
Let us see You.
Give us just the tiniest looking glass.
Give us just the faintest whisp of Your breath.
Just the tiniest seed of faith.
Let it be.


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