To Explain…

Can I explain?
May I please explain the difference?
‘Tween who I used to be
And who I’m now, insisting?

See I talk’ bout my anxiety
Like it’s the only thing that’s slaving me,
But I promise that’s not true,
It’s just my message to you!

So let me spill,
Let me get a little trill,
If I’ma get up and brag,
Let me glorify my God ’til
The day that I die!

See, alcohol equals anxiety, so I stay away.
Man that’s not even straight edge, but you think I’m cray.
I feel like garbage when I curse because my conscience hurts.
Man it’s not withstandable when my tongue spills out words
That I wish I’d never said. Might be better to be dead.

So you line all this up, but you still take issue.
Uh oh, it’s getting real, somebody hand me a tissue.
What’s that the doctor gave him for medicine?
Lights up, lights up, we caught somebody in a sin!

Better stop that, what, better quit that, boy!
We don’t want you healing, that stuff is not a toy. 
Man do you know the alternative? Do you want me to destroy?
This isn’t Jekyll Hyde bruh, I cannot keep employed!

So you want me off the herb and back on the pill.
Man you’re really tryna sell me some swill.
I’m getting out my house because of this drill.
And you just can’t stop playing like you’re Dr. Phil.

I’d rather have eugenics back
Than take your psychiatrist crack.
I’d rather have a lobotomy
Than allow your straightjackets to corrupt me.

Man why would you ask me to take this today?
Did you know that on it I can’t pray?
Did you know I’d rather care too much
Than blow my brain out with your pill stuff?

You think this is easy,
Come over for a day.
If everybody thinks it’s fun,
Just come hang with me today.
He’s a buzz kill, he’s no fun.
Man, just get up and run.
I don’t need your help
If you just want to coddle,
Go back to your huddle.
I’m here to work,
You’re just here to merc.
Like I never stopped,
Like I never watched
Like I never waited, patient,
Until I was sure.
Until I was so, so sure.
And you hid,
Never offered advice until you saw what I did.
Coward, you’re just advice, hypocrite.
Your words fall flat,
Your scaffolding’s bound to de-stack.

See why you didn’t want me to explain?
See how the truth just causes you pain?
See how if you walked two steps beside me,
It’s not my limp that you would see?

Oh that my cane was acceptable to you…
Oh that my strain didn’t offend you…
If only I was less Quasimodo,
Maybe a bit more like Frodo…

See? See? See what you do?
Don’t call me a slacker, I’m here without you.
Don’t, don’t, don’t tell me don’t!
I think I miss me more than you do…


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