Morning Coffee: Decaffeinated

pouring coffee

I’m out of coffee. This means two things: one, I need to buy more coffee; two, I’m certifiably dumb today.

I made myself tea, but it’s really not doing the job. I need my coffee and I need it black as death, so thick you can almost chew it. This dainty cup of tea is cascading brain cells down my back.

caffeine chartIf you’ll take a look at the chart on the right, you’ll see that I need a cup of Starbucks coffee. I’m not much for energy drinks, so all they’re doing here is serving as a useful guide to properly show everybody what I need.

See, I like McDonald’s coffee, but it’s almost halfway down the chart and we can’t be having any of that nonsense. I don’t even know what Einstein brothers are, or what they’re doing making coffee, but it’s clearly a paltry offering when compared to that majestic, white-and-green delivery system of delicious, magical coffee.

I’ve even gone as far as to put this tea into my Starbucks mug, because maybe I can trick my brain if I don’t look too close.

I’m kidding myself, of course. This is a cruel joke I play as punishment for my failure to have more coffee immediately on hand.

And then I have the gall to write a post called “morning coffee,” which, it turns out, is a fairly common title for things blog-related on the Internet. Who knew?

Anyway, this is ridiculous. I’m off to a Rich Dad, Poor Dad seminar and I’m going to pick up some Starbucks on my way if it kills me. (It won’t. If anything, this tea will.)

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