The Bee and the Yellow Jacket

Let me tell you a mystery,
My loving Father’s instructing me,
When you’re faced with fear or defeat,
Take a look and examine the beast,
Is it buzzing innocently, bumbliing like a bee?
Or is it growling angrily, the yellow jacket thief?

‘Cause they’re both yellow, in summer they’re mellow,
Prob’ly won’t sting unless you come near their fellows,
Disturbing their nest, becoming their pest, they’ll tell you,
But mind your own and they don’t mind you, they just follow
Along on their tracks, their buzzing little paths, don’t bother,
Bees tend to wander and a yellow jacket ponders 
But it’s always complicated when they get you with their stinger.
Bite you in the finger, prick you under the fender,
No matter what, it’ll always swell, leave you walking tender.

But there’s a difference between the sting and bite that’s like a wasp,
Oh you’ll split and run away to nurse it back to health,
But a bee will never sting you more than the single shot that’s dealt,
A wasp will dig its fangs in until the venom’s out.
One of them’s merciless, the other calculated,
The venom of one can be used as medication,
But the yellow jacket’s bite is ruthless with its inflammation,
So if I may make just one more comparison,
It’s that a yellow jacket flies away with satisfaction,
But the bee that stings in self defense is on a martyr’s mission,
See, a yellow jacket only bites maliciously,
But a bee, though it stings, sends its message, then it dies for me.

So if your trial’s wearying, check the source of its enduring end,
If the stinger’s stuck in, at least you can put the fire out,
And if it’s flaming in its blaming, then just defy your doubt,
Smother it in Afterbite, find another fight, it’ll fizzle out.

Father is good to us,
His creation teaches us,
How to handle this fuss,
To avoid the bussle and fluff,
And embrace the wonderful stuff.

Don’t really care if my rhymes make you writhe,
Make you think my mind must be completely out of time,
Knocking like an old truck of mine, timing belt’s going to unwind.
Wouldn’t waste mine, if I had your time; got Jesus on my mind,
This God of mine, I’m made in His mind, could not let Him go this time.

Won’t ever let Him go this time,
Won’t ever be let go this time.
Won’t ever lose hope this time.
Won’t ever be lost in His mind.

Just, Endure

Man, what was today even about?
Maybe it was just a day off but did it really pay off?
Guess I just keep on expecting the layoff, this is not my way out…

Why is it only just now that I’m thinking about how
The sabbath is for man, not the other way around?
And am I really allowed to pick up my deathly shroud?

I don’t want this, God, do not want this life of sin,
Every time I look around, there’s just a cold voice whispering,
“Don’t worry, turn around, this life’s better the other way ’round,”
But I’m not listening! This isn’t even interesting, give me a way out,
This temptation’s what I’m hating, not myself, just really need to shout.

Really need a way out,
I really need a way out.

There’s no life in this vacillating,
I just keep on improvising, hate it,
Cannot let this go, I made it,
Shake me free from this, You paid it.

I’m so messed up,
This voice of truth just left us,
What am I left with?
Why do I keep defecting?

Jesus, is this pain for real or am I running on my wheel?
Why can I never see what’s real? Did I incur this in the deal?
God, this pain is real, I hide from it but the secret’s revealed,
Is it ever gonna end? This is fucking stupid, Friend,
You promise that You’ll lend Your forever helping hand,
How could I ever demand that You would free me from this land?
But I’m just bleeding really bad, cannot hide this from my Dad,
Didn’t expect this to go bad, guess this morning wasn’t so rad,
Kept on thinking that I’d get it, but this Monday got rejected,
Don’t wanna get up on this deathbed, Help me from my mood pathetic.

Oh oh,
Oh oh oh…
Jesus, save at least my soul,
God, through fire though I go,
To perish or to wallow,
This I know,
Where You lead, I’ll go,
No matter what they throw,
And if it’s all sorrow,
At least I’ve learned how to swallow.
Yes, I am a wretch.
These words give off a foul stench,
My poor soul deserves a monkey wrench,
Wish I’d never sat down on this bench.

Let’s forget the past,
Staunch the bleeding from your gash,
This old pain will never last,
Just move from your sadness dance.
Show me the way, I’m caught up in it today,
Got too tired, God, to say, that I really need you, Yahweh,
Where did I go today? Took a detour down a highway,
Left my soul back where it’s gray, where I had decisions to make.
Am I just facilitating
This self-enervating?
Is all this rot my self-hating
Just as if I’m masturbating?
Ignore the imagery in my soliloquy,
I’m just searching desperately, begging for mercy,
Hoping that my God will see, my need to be holy,
Asking earnestly for Your love to set me free.

I guess I’m dejected,
Get these words out on the page before I get infected,
So afraid to get rejected,
Please don’t read these awful words, they’re the drugs that I’m injecting,
Hope my heart’s back where I left it,
Not sure how to reroute back to my backpack on the path I was perfecting,
Guess that’s where I need repenting,
It seems ev’ry day I’m just inventing ways that I can get repentant.

I need forgiveness,
I need Your fulness,
Your lovingkindness,
I cannot deserve this,
No matter what, I hurt this,
Gift You’ve given on purpose,
Help me forgive my hurt lists,
I cannot remit this,
Will not admit my weakness,
God, I really need this,
Your mercy to break, split,
My soul from my physical shit,
So tired of this merciless pit,
Please, for Your Name’s sake,
How can You leave me here, being raped?
These mind demons just take,
They never cease or abate,
It’s just a constant aggravate,
I punch myself ’til I break,
I want to make,
Want to build, not take,
I want to be able to create,
Beautiful things that forever take
Account of Your perfect Name,
Never abuse the nature of Your grace,
Help me, I can handle last place,
Just wanna finish this race…

I only want to finish this race.

Just a quick question for now,
Gotta replace this cigarette box,
But I’d like to write this out,
Put my thoughts down for Your fount,
To replace this what I’ve got,
To reinterpret the size of my lot.

Sometimes I wonder, God, I even plead,
If I’d never been diagnosed with OCD,
If they’d never taught me about this anxiety,
Would I be able to serve more freely?
Wouldn’t it have been clearer in this scene?

See, I get my wires crossed, confusing chemical for sin,
Listening to ev’ryone when they say I’m consciously rebelling,
I let the voices in my head fill my physical mind with dreading,
But I could never forget the One who lifts me from my sweaty bedding,
Ev’ry single morning, our big secret, I insist on His mosquito netting.

I’m here and I’m listening,
Let me be clear and expect You,
Let me have faith in Your lecture,
In Your perfect Word’s inflection.
Love Your righteousness, perfection.

Up Here

Come up here,
Come up here,
Listen to my voice, clear,
I can speak over fear,
So don’t pull away, just draw near,
Listen for Me, hope for Me, I am here,
I promise it’s Me, no counterfeit thief,
You waited for Me, took your time to believe,
You never gave up, just waited in spite of your fear.

Now I’m gonna bless you,
I promised, unless you
Would rather I didn’t–don’t worry, I know you,
Found love in you, even hope too,
Would never give up on you, your heart is true.
How can you know this is Me,
Unless you already believe,
Enough to let Me speak,
Your voice, My heart so pure, free?
I see you wish you had coffee,
Don’t worry, that’s for morning,
I love you, my Jeremy,
Would never declare this,
If it weren’t true, I prepared this,
Don’t worry about your words’ perfectness,
It’s not like you own this, 
I already bought this, already pwned this,
Love you through all this, I’ll never refuse your kiss.

It’s true, I bought you, paid for you, I love you.
I love you.
God loves you.
Jesus loves you,
His Holy Spirit abides in you,
He loves you too,
As the Father loves so true!
Don’t worry about what you can’t see through,
It’s going to make sense in the end, He’ll reveal the truth,
And I promised you. I know what I promised you.

Write this down, it’s so true,
I’m never gonna give up on you,
Never gonna let you down, speak the truth!
It’s okay. Don’t be afraid.
I love you and I love your crea-
Ted lines like I’m always on your mind,
I know just what you like, and I’m providing for your life,
I will never let you fall, will always be at your call,
Don’t be afraid! Who holds you up up with My righteous right hand?
It’s so much more than you can stand,
But I’ve given you the land,
I promise you can stand,
On the faith that I have grant-
Ed and you’re well set on your path,
On the way I set for you to track,
The road I walked before you once said, “Ack!”

Can we use some big words, Dad,
Gonna make the rhythm rad?
Maybe that sounds bad, some would say that I have had,
My fill of what this brand of the world is on my back,
Behind, gonna have to wish I had
Stuck with everything You said.
All the stuff You were sayin’,
All the trust You were layin’,
All the wisdom and Your righteous sayin’s
Oh my God, did I grab this play again?
Lemme just step back, Jesus take this able pen…

Do you make yourself cry with the smoke in your eyes?
Are you so stuck in a lie that you just can’t see My eye?
Never let it be, I would rather come and die than ever leave your side,
Don’t worry! I’ll say it a thousand times until it’s emblazened on your thighs,
‘Til you’re walking like you’ve died, oh I’ll never throw you aside.

I will never throw you aside.
I have promised to My bride,
That as long as I’m alive, 
(That’s forever, if you’re shy,)
I will defend you with pride,
And I’ll honour all, even what I’ve implied.

Promise you.
I promise it’s true,
I am alive in you,
I give you life eternal too.
Your fear melts away when I’m through,
My dear, your heart tells me all that’s true in you.

I will never leave you.
I will never forsake you.

Please, Again

God, I’m face to face with a problem of fact,
Noticed in me that I’m prideful as crap,
That I’m constantly trying to act like I’m all that,
Cannot refute this track of mind, stings like a yellow jacket.

At least a bee would die for me,
This one’s a bit harder to see,
Good in a trial that’s persistently
Arguing, and accusing at me.
I want to serve You,
I want to be held true,
I want to be seen by You and know that I serve You,
I want to be whole, new, eternity as my fruit.

Father, please forgive me again,
Jesus, You give me peace ’til the end,
I’ve sinned against Your perfect Name and,
I only want Your forever hands,
Holding me, tucking me closer in,
Wash me clean so I can reoppose him,
This enemy in me, my fleshly needs so grim,
Be the number one in me, set Yourself up front in my head.

I don’t need to be perfect, You’ve done it,
There’s no weed to uproot, I’m runnin’,
Oh God, Your mercy bears my fruit, not rottin’,
Please restore this see inside of my need for loving.

Now I’m not number one,
No, I know that I’d come undone,
Without the mercy of God’s own Son,
Pursuing me like I’m someone He loves.

It seems ev’ry time I try, I just get sawdust in my eyes,
It isn’t like I could dupe this lie, I haven’t got enough good inside,
So I run to You and cry, Jesus, I messed up, make it right,
Please make it right, I’m desp’rate, I need this, restore with Your light.

Did you know, dear child,
That you could have gone wild,
And I would have never left your side,
Because you are part of My bride?
And did it ever occur in your mind,
That I could never abandon my pride,
And joy on earth, defined in your eyes,
My child, my joy, my precious find!

You cannot run away from My love,
For I send showers of grace from above,
I will wash you clean of this mud,
Your heart is My dream, so earnest in trust.

Jesus, relieve me.
Please just believe Me.
It feels like I can’t see.
You only need trust Me.
I want to be free.
You’re already in Me!
But I feel dreary…
I will never reject you.
And weary…
Come near Me!
Will You adhere to me? Never leave or jeer at me?
I would never ever reject you. I will never leave you.
He’s never gonna leave,
Never gonna forsake me,
He’s my heavenly Father of peace,
And His Spirit will never retreat!
My Dad, perfect, heavenly,
Your Spirit will always entreat.
Oh peace. Oh oh, heaven, repeat,
These words, that You’ve said to me,
These promises instilled for me to be,
Peaceful, true, set free with mercy!

Not to Wallow

You know, I always thought one day I’d fit in,
Always fought to get invited in, do their bidding,
‘Til my head was spinning from the ways that you’re thinking,
Embittered against my hurt, I was always hitting
This wall of dead-ends, spitting against the bit in
These teeth that I’ve chipped and wasted too much time in.

Never anticipated becoming the one who’s so easily hated,
Wasn’t in it to feel one with the drums of immolation,
I thought it was safe, okay? Never expected the aggravation,
It took a long time before I saw you write down about me,”Exaggeration,”
Before I could see that you regard me to be just humiliation,
Until I understood that to you I am just embarrassing.

I’m written off, I’m unused,
I’ve bitten off more than I can chew,
I’ve had it now, I’m unamused,
Wish you’d rather just abused.

Follow Me instead,
Follow Me instead…

I think I’m becoming okay with killing the conversation,
It’s starting to get a little less gray when I still my self-abasement,
Wish that I could say I’m learning to be patient,
But maybe it’s safer if I claim to have earned this vacation,
Look me in the eye next time you think I’m just crazy,
Maybe you won’t see anything except the weight of this haze leave.

Where are You to follow?
Where are You to follow…?

I was purposed to glorify Him through this,
Wish I was immersed inside of my King, True-ness,
Couldn’t have determined to become more, screw this,
I’m not becoming more than He has spoken, losin’ my intelligence,
Now I sit here just hopin’; You’re not cruel when You fix,
Father, holy Abba, please carry me through this.

Help me to follow,
Help me to follow…

Open

Oh Lord, swing wide my doors,
Get these shutters open hours,
Get me offa all fours,
Let me worship, please, I’m Yours.

I can’t defend my perception or pespective,
Feelin’ like I’m stuck in this deception, it’s infective,
Cannot pretend like I could make it on my own direction,
Probably be homeless ’cause I know this vision is my prison,
It’s had not to feel hopeless, like ev’rything’s subject to my depression,
So tired and exhausted, I think I’ve completely lost it, end this session.

Guess this dopamine fight is my life,
Could never have expected so much strife,
Had really hoped I was a fire to ignite,
Not that five-gallon bucket catchin’ rain last night.
God, how am I supposed to be happy at You,
How’m I supposed to offer up Truth
When all I see is lack of identity, abuse?
Seems all I deal in’s coming up empty, no use.

Oh, not sure how to be sad at You, Lord
Not sure, maybe I’m just mad and bruised, bored,
Can You please come open my doors?
Oh would You please, please put hope in my store?

Just open me up,
Ready for this surgery stuff,
Open heart, working in love,
Knead me like dough, You’re not rough,
Just wanna get leavened in Your hugs,
Just want Your heaven here liike above.
Just wanna feel like I’m in love,
I know that’s not the deal, I’m just low,
Wishin’ I could lift You up while You’re puttin’ on a show.

Wish my physical wasn’t so against my inside man,
Wish I didn’t have to defend these hands,
Really never rather defect when I trust Your plans,
Please help me fall in love with You all over again.

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