Builded

Forward and onward, stand.
I don’t know the Plan,
And that makes me kinda glad,
I’m interpretating everything I can,
Take me for a run, but hold my hand.
What didn’t kill me has never helped me have
More or less, I just stay right where I am.
Day after day, I’m like a cat in Jesus’ lap.
Thinking about my stacks got me crazy, frightened mind attacks,
King David took a census, I rewarded madness,
“Let’s examine what’s pensive, reappropriate what’s sad,”
And I really wish now that I never had.
But Jesus Christ is faithful to make me glad
For what’s real, for what I have never been clad
In before. Take me to the store. This armoury is bad ass,
Totally intimidating when I spin my quarterstaff.
Stand on what the truth is and deliver grace to bad
And the good, to whoever thinks to ask.
We’re not here to pick and choose, everybody’s​ fallen flat.

Cut me down so I can climb.
Take me apart, renew my mind.
Build me up slow, line by line,
Humble me so I never rewind,
God, I know You know I try,
God, I know You feel me cry.
Jesus, can I win this fight?
I need You so close tonight.

Take me to the armoury,
To the barracks, do my laundry,
Suit me up with all I need,
With a shield of faith and peace
On my feet, belt of truth, believe
A helmet of salvation crowns my head in mercy,
Righteous plate across my chest, deflecting what I see,
Sword of Spirit in my hand makes the darkness scream.
I can love the people God put in my life for me.
I can overcome with grace when I feel self pity.
Jesus gives me everything I need so I believe.
He forgave my sin before I could perceive,
Took it far away, now works my habits free,
I can tell you all about the hope I have with glee.
I can stop myself when I just feel angry.
I can hope for more of life because I live with peace.
I can trust in He Who died for me,
I can believe because I have received.

Cut me down so I can climb.
Take me apart, renew my mind.
Build me up slow, line by line,
Humble me so I never rewind,
God, I know You know I try,
God, I know You feel me cry.
Jesus, can I win this fight?
I need You so close tonight.

Being forgiven much enables love,
I’m realizing that I couldn’t overcome
Anything at all without God’s Son.
It used to be easier to be selfish as I want,
But I believe in Jesus and He gives until I thrum,
Little bitta lightning, little bitta thunder means I shine Light from above.
Intimidating to feel alone, but I know that I’m not stuck.
I incriminate myself if I stop acting faithful.
I present forgiveness like it’s gonna take my all,
But I know that Jesus does a deep work in my heart,
So now I’d rather look super dumb than act like I’m all that.
I know I will overcome because of Jesus’ love.
Take me for a walk down to the ocean front,
Maybe we can watch the sunset burn it down.
Build a crane and climb the bars but I will never touch the sun.

Cut me down so I can climb.
Take me apart, renew my mind.
Build me up slow, line by line,
Humble me so I never rewind,
God, I know You know I try,
God, I know You feel me cry.
Jesus, can I win this fight?
I need You so close tonight.

Super Free (Guess I’m Me)

CBD
And cannabis in margarine.
Melt it down, it’s good for me.
Somehow, somewhere, i can hold it in,
Melt it down,
Microwaver Zinn,
I put cannabis into my brain
So I can face my friends.
Cannabidiol,
Even though I cannot have it all.
Melt it down,
Gulp it in.
Guilt likes dancing circles
But I know that Jesus wins.
Faith will get me further
Than winning anything.

Shallpw happiness is less than tears.
Shadows pirouette all around me.
Find me by the river without twenty-seven needs.
Drown my emptiness in water so serene,
Maybe I can do more if I go thankfully.
Joy took second fiddle when thanksgiving made me weep.
What I like gained so much value when I let it be.
I brought it to Jesus and now I’m super free.
Guess I’m me,
I
Guess I’m just me,
Let it be,
I can let it be,
I can let myself get real,
Get inappropriate with honesty.
Guess I’m just me,
I
Guess I’m me.

There’s a thief,
Constantly at me,
In my mind, thorny grief,
He hurt me.
Took away my innocence and he
Ripped apart the way I act in glee.
I can’t see
Life the way it ought to be,
There’s no peace
For me when I replay scenes
Of hurt and pain that’s so obscene.
I don’t even know what’s real,
Maybe it’s all make believe.
But I know how I feel,
And nothing represses memory
Forever, not a thing.
I tried to cope with medicine,
And maybe it helped, but I’m still here,
I write songs for Jesus’ ears.
I’m not fond of all my greed.
I just need the peace He leaves,
Not of the world, God, please help me.

Shallpw happiness is less than tears.
Shadows pirouette all around me.
Find me by the river without twenty-seven needs.
Drown my emptiness in water so serene,
Maybe I can do more if I go thankfully.
Joy took second fiddle when thanksgiving made me weep.
What I like gained so much value when I let it be.
I brought it to Jesus and now I’m super free.
Guess I’m me,
I
Guess I’m just me,
Let it be,
I can let it be,
I can let myself get real,
Get insane with honesty.
Guess I’m just me,
I
Guess I’m me.

I’ve been made to shine a light ahead of me,
It diffuses to the sides but was never made for finger pointing.
I’m a misfit like the definition needs expanding,
But I believe in Jesus even though I am no pastor.
I have tons of faith, but I have flesh that looks for passwords.
I keep getting later, but my God is faithful anyway.
I keep meeting haters, touched a Cadillac, but got yelled at like I’m gay.
Not sure what derogatory attitudes can give a situation,
And for what it’s worth, I think angry people say anything,
But at least I can relate in a small way.
Don’t get into cars that just wanna peel away,
Take a second second before you take advice to garden state,
Focus on the work that actually matters, build and make.
I know I can’t think like you, call me Narcissus, it’s hate.
I don’t really care anymore, I’m just kinda sorry that you make
Like I’m a terrible imitation of your faith.
Get over yourself. You’re temporary as a snowflake.
All your life can do is agree with what God says.
That’s infinitely better, should I sugar coat again?
Jabber on and on about love, but we never start with grace.
Well, I’m well on my way
And I left my black eye where it’s paved.
The straight and narrow isn’t fake.
How much more do we think we can take
Than chasing Better day by day,
And constantly fanning our own faith.
I don’t need to change my pace,
I did not decide my face,
My socially awkward ways,
I did not pick my place,
Never asked for the outcast blame,
But I’m still here, I’m still okay,
Jesus still hears when I pray.
I think I might fly away
And won’t look back to watch you chase.

Shallpw happiness is less than tears.
Shadows pirouette all around me.
Find me by the river without twenty-seven needs.
Drown my emptiness in water so serene,
Maybe I can do more if I go thankfully.
Joy took second fiddle when thanksgiving made me weep.
What I like gained so much value when I let it be.
I brought it to Jesus and now I’m super free.
Guess I’m me,
I
Guess I’m just me,
Let it be,
I can let it be,
I can let myself get real,
Get inappropriate with honesty.
Guess I’m just me,
I
Guess I’m me.

Misfit

Are you ready?
Better start getting it then.
Are you ready yet?
I hope I don’t go so fast you can’t chase me.
I hope you can see there’s a cross on my back,
I won’t lead,
No, no,
I won’t lead.
I’ve been made to shine a light ahead of me,
It diffuses to the sides but was never made for finger pointing.
I’m a misfit like the definition needs expanding,
But I believe in Jesus even though I am no pastor.
I have tons of faith, but I have flesh that looks for passwords.
I keep getting later, but my God is faithful anyway.
I keep meeting haters, touched a Cadillac, but got yelled at like I’m gay.
Not sure what derogatory attitudes can give a situation,
And for what it’s worth, I think angry people say anything,
But at least I can relate in a small way.
Don’t get into cars that just wanna peel away,
Take a second second before you take advice to garden state,
Focus on the work that actually matters, build and make.
I know I can’t think like you, call me Narcissus, it’s hate.
I don’t really care anymore, I’m just kinda sorry that you make
Like I’m a terrible imitation of your faith.
Get over yourself. You’re temporary as a snowflake.
All your life can do is agree with what God says.
That’s infinitely better, should I sugar coat again?
Jabber on and on about love, but we never start with grace.
Well, I’m well on my way
And I left my black eye where it’s paved.
The straight and narrow isn’t fake.
How much more do we think we can take
Than chasing Better day by day,
And constantly fanning our own faith.
I don’t need to change my pace,
I did not decide my face,
My socially awkward ways,
I did not pick my place,
Never asked for the outcast blame,
But I’m still here, I’m still okay,
Jesus still hears when I pray.
I think I might fly away
And won’t look back to watch you chase.
Delete the verse about my medication,
What’s the point? It’s just fodder for the crazies,
The livid, illucid, raving mad sorry cases,
I had a shit time this morning,
And I hope it’s okay if I moan a bit.
I might regret the way that I worded this.
If I can’t talk straight, why bother to present
Myself at all? Might as well stay in bed.
I keep putting violins into songs
And I see what that looks like.
Call whine-one-one, I hear the tiniest fiddle,
But that knife blade’s so dull, you might have to whittle.
I’m not sure we need this pit stop, so let’s skip the drivel.
I’m not here to fake my way, I needed help so badly.
But they left us in the cold, what could we do but rally?
Hungry band of misfit wanderers, waiting ’til we’re patient.
Is there less or more in store for steady misbehaviour?
Where’s the translation assistant? Maybe hearts are worth a bit more.
Maybe what’s inside is where
Jesus wants to help us care.
I am tired, but I dare
To pray to God instead of despair.
I hope I’m not completely wrong again.

What If

I’m not quick enough to freestyle,
So I adlibbed on this page,
And I think that I might record.
Freewritten poetry expresses all I face.
I expose what’s hidden in me so I don’t fear the night.
Sometimes, I make myself face the rage…

What if all they said about you was,
“He never lies,” and “Don’t gossip, he’s around?”
What if even when you’re gone,
They still talked like you have what they want?
What if nobody needed to be afraid
To tell you what they want instead of what you thought?

What if we could play “I spy”
Like Lil Kyle, just ignore the haters’play?
What if we could say “I tried”
And leave the rest to play out today?
What if yesterday
Is already smothered in grace?
What if tomorrow says
One thing, but gets filtered through what stays?
What if what you want is a lie you get to break?
What if all we thought about was the Way?
We could help the sad and the empty angry without fail.
We could lift the broken up from squandering their faith.

What if all they said about you was,
“He never lies,” and “Don’t gossip, he’s around?”
What if even when you’re gone,
They still talked like you have what they want?
What if nobody needed to be afraid
To tell you what they want instead of what you thought?

When I trip,
Like, every day,
When I ask my sin
“What do I do to stay?”
Do I fall like pins?
Drop a needle in a haystack,
Tell the warriors to listen.
If it’s not too loud. Lack
Quite severely, I’m on disability, but still,
I get to be thankful when Jesus wins me back.

What if all they said about you was,
“He never lies,” and “Don’t gossip, he’s around?”
What if even when you’re gone,
They still talked like you have what they want?
What if nobody needed to be afraid
To tell you what they want instead of what you thought?

24

The biggest burden I carry
Was imparted on me
By a man who lived in greed.
But he’s forgiven completely.
It was long, long ago, you see,
And I know what guilt does to need.
Jesus died for him and me.
I was only four, but now I’m free.

Too much?
Sorry.
I’m dealing with it like I’m playing Blackjack.
Hit me again,
We’ll see if I can still fall slack.
I have never faced attacks
Like it’s been lately, whacked
Myself upside the head until it grew lumps back.
Somebody once told I could not inflict real damage with my hands,
But they were wrong, too, and my anger’s bad,
I repeat the thoughts incessantly, my OCD takes bat.
If I am a tee-ball, I’m still over that.
Jesus gave His life so I could leave my past.
No abuse can separate me from the love
Of God in Jesus Christ.

Twenty-four years
Before I faced the devil’s thief.
Twenty-four years
It took ’til I felt peace.
I start days early,
Yeah, twice a day I sleep.
I fight with feeling fear,
But God restored my glee.
I can wear new jeans
Even if I cannot see.
Jesus set me free.
Jesus set me free.

On the outside of my cigarette box,
There’s a warning for my thoughts.
But if that fails and I open it up, “Oh great,”
There’s a note that says “It’s never too late.”
So which one is it, cigarette box?
Will I die or will I make it? You sure talk a lot.
Learned a lesson the hard way,
But mockers just won’t let it stay.
I’m still here, we don’t know squat.
I could be quiet like a fox,
But then what would they say?
Don’t worry, I can get over myself today.

Twenty-four years
Before I faced the devil’s thief.
Twenty-four years
It took ’til I felt peace.
I start days early,
Yeah, twice a day I sleep.
I fight with feeling fear,
But God restored my glee.
I can wear new jeans
Even if I cannot see.
Jesus set me free.

I put music in my ears.
Couldn’t stop, obsessively,
It was all about my fear,
Then I got upset and really clear.
I decided I could make something full of glee,
I turned from my endless anger at my own anxiety.
Now I get to be here,
And my heart has smiles for me.
You could take a seat,
But I’m still learning to breathe
Instead of spewing words out constantly.
I guess I just want you to see
That I’m not there yet, but I mean to be.
It’s okay to pray for peace
When you just feel endless grief.
Those who sow in tears
Come sprinting back with glee.

Gleefully Free

“I was asleep,” I wept,
Didn’t hit the street, I confess.
Felt empty defeat,
And it got so overwhelming to me
That I went and fell asleep.
I wept and I cried and now I’m starting to feel
Like I’m just a little bit less of me.
Left a room inside with space for Mercy’s Seat.
I wept and I cried
And now I’m starting to heal.
Took a little longer than I ever thought was real,
But I cannot complain that the Potter pressures me.
If I wanted something else, it wouldn’t take my grief.
If I was done enduring pain for the sake of what’s in store for these,
It wouldn’t be a difficult thing to get out of this scream.
Prozac, maybe Xanax, they all nullify my glee,
Take away the part of me that cries when I have need,
Leave me without problems for a day, and I’ll waste away in three.

And I’m free.
Legit, so free.
Tell me what to be,
But I’m already here.
And I’m free.
Legit, so free.
Tell me all I could be,
But Jesus already rescued me.
And I’m free.
And I’m already here.

I’m not strong enough to act like what I am can sustain me.
But Jesus is so faithful it’s like I don’t need to breathe.
Cover me in water, you might see me dance so janky,
Running where it’s chest deep is like anti-gravity.
Moon shoes maybe look like this but that’s just Wishbook greed,
Stick my nose in catalogues, but tear out the lingerie.

And I’m free.
Legit, so free.
Tell me what to be,
But I’m already here.
And I’m free.
Legit, so free.
Tell me all I could be,
But Jesus already rescued me.
And I’m free.
And I’m already here.

Do you hear the things I’m saying? My psychiatrist discourages me.
I have a diagnosis that allows me to feel fear.
I don’t think I need to feed the hunger in me
After all, I don’t think I need to bleed
Over what’s already done for me,
For what’s inherited, so not temporary.
Tell me Wednesday isn’t the fourth day of a week.
Tell me I should accept the wrong that I need,
But I promise that I will not listen, I know where to flee.
I can have as much as Jesus gave for free.
I know I already believe, and I know I’m time I’ll see.
I can struggle more, flip the pillow underneath.
Honestly, I keep trying that, and it just soaks the sheets.
Leave the fan on because it feels like 30 degrees.
Muggy like the thunder is just waiting for the lightning.
I could tear myself apart over everything I need,
But I found joy in patience when I saw God loves and agreed.
Jesus took the penalty so we could keep His peace.
I learned just the other day that Yahweh yearns for unity.

And I’m free.
Legit, so free.
Tell me what to be,
But I’m already here.
And I’m free.
Legit, so free.
Tell me all I could be,
But Jesus already rescued me.
And I’m free.
And I’m already here.

Forward, onward,
We can fly, we can soar…
Take it slow if you’re not bored.
Let me know, we get forlorn,
Forward, tomorrow,
Let’s make a way onward,
We can fly over clouds of scorn,
We can soar through the rain without abrupt changes,

So tell us what you’re facing,
I left revenge in my basement,
My interpretation of your situation
Was severely lacking in mercy, grace and
Abrupt change

Take me away,
I overfill the page.
Take my inner hatred
And threw it in a lake.
It roars and throws out flame,
I stand too close, my shame.
Old friend, you knew my name,
But I am new, betrayers​ claim
Incorrectly, but I’ll take the blame.
I’ll take the blame and get abruptly changed.

Spend my time by flowers,
I tend to a small garden
On my balcony, I hardly
Ever go far from my other green.
Wished that it was different, but I feel kinda clean.
Wash me from the Laughter who walks behind me,
And kick his sorry ass until he can’t contain his scream.
I can hardly keep that line contained inside this rhythm,
Do you think a warrior wordsmith can waste a beat?
I’m abruptly​ changing

My direction,
My inside man’s reflection
Isn’t worth what I’ve projected.
Spray my worth around, misdirection,
Yell at everybody all about me, check my intentions,
I didn’t even give John Reuben a mention,
Didn’t think to listen again to his take on the self-righteous,
Became exactly what I was afraid of.
But then I abruptly changed.

I went from insane
To a carefully geared up brain,
The other one still calls me names
And I’m reflecting more than strange,
But inside where I pray,
Where I entertain the thoughts I may,
Play around with self education games,
That’s become abruptly changed.

Oh hey,
Oh hey,
I went insane.
King Nebuchadnezzar all the way.
Told God I wouldn’t take
The bad with the good that He gave.
And I went so insane.
So terribly,
Inherently,
Inevitably
And hilariously
Insane,
But then abrupted change.